You've heard them - words and phrases that are like nails on a chalkboard to the calm tranquility of your working mind. You expect the kids to be screaming at home, but when you're at work, you use your work brain (ideally). It is sensitive to different abhorrent stimuli. None are more dreaded than the buzz words and brown-nose-banter we've created to make ourselves sound more intelligent, relevant, and useful.
The following list addresses the top 5 words and phrases that will result in an immediate kick in the pants should you utter them around me. Have I ever uttered them before, you ask. [...hums a tune...] No comment.
The following list addresses the top 5 words and phrases that will result in an immediate kick in the pants should you utter them around me. Have I ever uttered them before, you ask. [...hums a tune...] No comment.
1. Synergy (Synergistic)
People, the 90's called; they want all their verbal and non-verbal (and hair style) expressions back. This just happens to be the worst of them all. This concept is actually great! It became cliche because everyone says it but no one understands it or actually follows its guiding principles. At its core, the synergy concept is nothing more than the principles of cooperative (group) learning applied in the workplace - we use each other's strengths to improve the whole. This concept is incredibly useful, if you actually use it. However, regardless of whether you are using it correctly or not, don't you dare say it. Someone WILL key your car and/or straight-up punch you in the face - as they should.
2. Results-Oriented
Oh man, I hate this one! Saying you're "results-oriented" means you care about the end result but not the process that MUST be followed to get that result you covet so dearly. Planning? Nope. Process plan? Nope. Budgeting, forecasting, a list of steps? Please. We don't have time for that; we're "results-oriented." Well, you keep looking for results. You'll definitely get something. Chances are though, it will be something completely different than what you want.
3. Team _____ (All Forms)
Oh, you guys have a city-league baseball team? No? Then stop calling yourself a team. This is the 2010's, people, not the 30's. We all know we're on a "team" at work. We know the whole place will jump the tracks if we screw up. (If you didn't know this, welcome to a new century!) Emphasizing the "team" aspect from the top-down is basically implying that camaraderie is not typically encouraged, but we, your loving management team, have seen fit to bestow upon you underlings the privledge of being associated with us, not each other mind you, us. Company Culture 101, people. Every workplace should be an obvious, inherent, no-need-to-be-stated, team atmosphere. Using this buzz word is just redundant.
4. Customer-Driven
Don't pee on my head and tell me it's raining. "Customer-driven" might seem like a really cool word to throw around in meetings and emails, but guess what, when a customer hears that, he/she hears "money-driven." Generation Z doesn't respond so well to Generation X advertising strategies. Saying you are focused on customer satisfaction is fine. Now you may think those are the same thing; they're not. "Customer-driven" implies that you essentially make business decisions based on your customer's input, and that that is your driving force as a company. Now that may be true; there are great companies out there; but to Gen-Z, this phrase is a gimmick. They don't trust you. They don't assign inherent value to you because of what you say (like their parents and grandparents did). They assign value to you based on what you do. Like with "synergy," this concept is great in practice; just stop talking about it. Stop talking about it and do it.
5. SEO/SEM ("SE" Anything)
Good gracias, Internet generation in the marketing business! Yes, search engines are a HUGE focus for businesses these days. However, most of you talk about SE__ (fill in the blank) like you actually know what you're talking about. You know why I don't write a bunch of posts about search engine optimization/marketing/whatever? Because I don't get it! It is too random and interwoven for me - a contradiction I can't wrap my head around. I like steps and processes. That stuff is like throwing paint at a wall and the Mona Lisa just magically coming into view. As with anything, if you don't know what you're talking about, just keep silent on the issue. Better still, join the conversation, be clear about what you know and what you don't, and then LEARN. What I do know about search engine techniques has been gained entirely from conversations/posts/interviews I've experienced with people who do understand it. Stick to what you know; stop being a show-off at the water cooler.
Okay, so I hope you enjoyed the rant. Actually, I don't care at all. That's the purpose of a rant. Other opinions don't matter, only your own. Now I sound like a militant humanist - which I most certainly am not. I digress. Bottom line: don't try and use buzz words because you think you will sound intelligent and informed. That just makes you sound like a stupid-face.
Now that the rant is over, and you are better for reading it, please feel free to become a better human being. If I made you mad (or happy), there is a comment section just below here. Please make use of it. I will attempt to respond to you - without ranting...maybe.
Be productive, and have a jolly good day at work!
People, the 90's called; they want all their verbal and non-verbal (and hair style) expressions back. This just happens to be the worst of them all. This concept is actually great! It became cliche because everyone says it but no one understands it or actually follows its guiding principles. At its core, the synergy concept is nothing more than the principles of cooperative (group) learning applied in the workplace - we use each other's strengths to improve the whole. This concept is incredibly useful, if you actually use it. However, regardless of whether you are using it correctly or not, don't you dare say it. Someone WILL key your car and/or straight-up punch you in the face - as they should.
2. Results-Oriented
Oh man, I hate this one! Saying you're "results-oriented" means you care about the end result but not the process that MUST be followed to get that result you covet so dearly. Planning? Nope. Process plan? Nope. Budgeting, forecasting, a list of steps? Please. We don't have time for that; we're "results-oriented." Well, you keep looking for results. You'll definitely get something. Chances are though, it will be something completely different than what you want.
3. Team _____ (All Forms)
Oh, you guys have a city-league baseball team? No? Then stop calling yourself a team. This is the 2010's, people, not the 30's. We all know we're on a "team" at work. We know the whole place will jump the tracks if we screw up. (If you didn't know this, welcome to a new century!) Emphasizing the "team" aspect from the top-down is basically implying that camaraderie is not typically encouraged, but we, your loving management team, have seen fit to bestow upon you underlings the privledge of being associated with us, not each other mind you, us. Company Culture 101, people. Every workplace should be an obvious, inherent, no-need-to-be-stated, team atmosphere. Using this buzz word is just redundant.
4. Customer-Driven
Don't pee on my head and tell me it's raining. "Customer-driven" might seem like a really cool word to throw around in meetings and emails, but guess what, when a customer hears that, he/she hears "money-driven." Generation Z doesn't respond so well to Generation X advertising strategies. Saying you are focused on customer satisfaction is fine. Now you may think those are the same thing; they're not. "Customer-driven" implies that you essentially make business decisions based on your customer's input, and that that is your driving force as a company. Now that may be true; there are great companies out there; but to Gen-Z, this phrase is a gimmick. They don't trust you. They don't assign inherent value to you because of what you say (like their parents and grandparents did). They assign value to you based on what you do. Like with "synergy," this concept is great in practice; just stop talking about it. Stop talking about it and do it.
5. SEO/SEM ("SE" Anything)
Good gracias, Internet generation in the marketing business! Yes, search engines are a HUGE focus for businesses these days. However, most of you talk about SE__ (fill in the blank) like you actually know what you're talking about. You know why I don't write a bunch of posts about search engine optimization/marketing/whatever? Because I don't get it! It is too random and interwoven for me - a contradiction I can't wrap my head around. I like steps and processes. That stuff is like throwing paint at a wall and the Mona Lisa just magically coming into view. As with anything, if you don't know what you're talking about, just keep silent on the issue. Better still, join the conversation, be clear about what you know and what you don't, and then LEARN. What I do know about search engine techniques has been gained entirely from conversations/posts/interviews I've experienced with people who do understand it. Stick to what you know; stop being a show-off at the water cooler.
Okay, so I hope you enjoyed the rant. Actually, I don't care at all. That's the purpose of a rant. Other opinions don't matter, only your own. Now I sound like a militant humanist - which I most certainly am not. I digress. Bottom line: don't try and use buzz words because you think you will sound intelligent and informed. That just makes you sound like a stupid-face.
Now that the rant is over, and you are better for reading it, please feel free to become a better human being. If I made you mad (or happy), there is a comment section just below here. Please make use of it. I will attempt to respond to you - without ranting...maybe.
Be productive, and have a jolly good day at work!
